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This Will Not Help You Achieve a Perfect Fit

Oct 13, 2008

It Itches

 

Note from Sandi: I'm here to introduce today's guest poster, Franklin Habit. Franklin's a knitter, a blogger, an author, a photographer, and oh yes--a cartoonist. No, wait. Don't look at me like that. We're not talking smart-mouthed penguins and cats living in lasagna pans here; we're talking knitting cartoons. Yeah, baby. Cartoons about us, and our yarn stashes, and our little pointy sticks. Good stuff.

 

We at Interweave are very proud to bring you Franklin's very first book of cartoons: It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons

Yarn lovers everywhere, allow me to present...Franklin Habit!



This Will Not Help You Achieve a Perfect Fit by Franklin Habit

 
I suppose I had better confess immediately that nothing I am going to say will teach you how to achieve a perfect fit in your next sweater.

I know precious little about the subject. And I’ve never been able to make head or tail of articles that promise to reveal the exciting tips and tricks of master fitters. Perhaps it’s because they almost invariably begin by asking very personal questions about the size of one’s bust. No drinks first, no dinner. Seldom even a friendly greeting. Barely in the door and suddenly they’re poking around in your bra. Terribly impolite, if you ask me; but of course, I was brought up differently.

Also, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a man. As such, I cannot properly be said to have a bust at all. So when I’m asked to measure mine, I feel it betrays a callous inattention on the part of the questioner. This gets my dander up, and sets me writing angry letters to editors. But before I can finish I’m invariably distracted by a loud noise in the next apartment, or the memory of a chocolate cake in the fridge. So I wander off, and forget all about it, and then where am I when it comes to knowing about proper fit?

In the kitchen eating chocolate cake, that’s where. Not so bad, I admit, but it means I have nothing to say about sweater fittage. If you’ve read all this way and find that disappointing, please remember that I tried to warn you, right up at the top. You have nobody to blame but yourself.

I knit a lot of stuff that doesn’t have to fit. Like shawls. And baby clothes. Heck, you can throw just about anything on a baby and he’ll never complain. I have a photo of myself as a toddler to prove it. See?




My mother didn’t knit much, but she knew how to sew, which can be just as dangerous.  In her defense, it was the early 1970s and our state had not yet enacted legislation making it a felony to dress a child like Sonny Bono.

When your mother dresses you funny, you have to develop a sense of humor pretty quick. I guess that’s how I wound up writing a book for Interweave Press. I don’t know anything about how sweaters fit, so normally they wouldn’t even let me past the reception desk.

But somebody thought something I wrote a long time ago about getting stuck in a sweater I was making was funny. And then there were some calls and e-mails, and now there’s a book. It won’t teach you anything about making sweaters, but it might help you care a little less if you get stuck in one.

Doing a book of knitting cartoons wasn’t dreadfully difficult because I like to draw yarn and yarn is inherently funny.  Look at this.


Is that hysterical, or what? No? Look again.



I told you so.

But sometimes finishing a whole cartoon is a pain because you have to do two things: draw funny and write funny. And there are days, like today, when I don’t want to do both.

So I drew something funny, but I’m leaving it up to you to write something funny.

Here’s the drawing.




I don’t know what the caption ought to be. You figure it out.

In fact, let’s make it a contest and give prizes. (It’s okay, I asked Interweave first and they’re cool.)

Go here to enter, and find out what you can win. There are probably rules there, too. There are always rules. Like the ten simple rules for fitting a sweater, about which I know nothing.

I’m going to the kitchen for a piece of cake.

--Franklin



Official contest rules

Franklin's book It Itches: A Stash of Knitting Cartoons is available online, or at your favorite local yarn shop. Learn more.

 



Sandi Wiseheart is the editor of Knitting Daily.

What's on Sandi's needles? Hm. I have run into an interesting adjustment issue in the Camisa...I am puzzling it out and will report shortly. Meanwhile, I finished a pair of socks for myself. I love socks. And I'm going to need lots of them here!


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Comments

BarbaraF@3 wrote
on Oct 25, 2008 10:05 AM

Well, I'm a little grumpy too.  Here is is, not quite 24 hours after the Knitting Daily email was sent and the "survey" is already closed.  Here I was knitting when I should have been reading my email.  My caption was:  "I'm going green, re-use, recycle!"

MistyH wrote
on Oct 25, 2008 8:53 AM

Missed the deadline for contest entry...But here's my caption anyway:

"Honestly, if your father only knew where I've been hiding my stash all these years...!"

m_chapman80 wrote
on Oct 24, 2008 1:56 PM

This is what happens when I get too busy to read the articles!  For what it is worth, the caption should be:  "You said you liked midriff . . . and I couldn't see all that yarn going to waste."

Or maybe "Waist not, waste not"?

HeatherS@4 wrote
on Oct 15, 2008 12:40 PM

Can Non-NA's submit (or resubmit) via a NA friend (or other half)? Of course, you would have to trust your NA to get the artwork to you.

I mean really, this can't be a huge taxable event. -Don't most treaties have a deminimus amount?

You give up copywrite rights in the contest. What other legal stuff is there? Does the photo have to be taken by a NA union person?

Is there some type of country specific form or letter a non-NA could sign and have witnessed (like USA Notary Public) saying they comply in a non-na equivalence with the NA forfeiture of rights?

Opus is still alive? I bet it'll be suicide. This political and economic environment is enough to o.d. any satirist.

;-)

DonnaW wrote
on Oct 15, 2008 9:18 AM

Wow!  So sorry to read about all the frustration and consternation.  I'm just happy to come to KD and find a wonderful post by the inimitable Franklin!  I chortled and chuckled and laughed out loud; the sun came out, the sky turned blue, and the snow melted away.  Awesome!  I can hardly wait for his little book to arrive in my mailbox from IK.  And Sandi, in case anyone is taking a poll:  not offended (1)    <3

MartheK wrote
on Oct 15, 2008 9:02 AM

I've  just sent in my witty response and am horrified to now discover that UK citizens can't enter.

I've bought Interview here in the UK, I've even bought Franklin, and Knitting Daily T-shirts (and had the import duties to prove it!!) and this is how we are rewarded?!!!

NOT FAIR!!!

Even less fair because I'll be emigrating to be with my other half in Missouri as of next year.

I really don't believe that rubbish about international trade agreements either. It doesn't stop you taking our money for Interweave publications, or anything else.

Please remember your INTERNATIONAL readership, who lend a lot of support to your site and publications. This is not a nice way to treat us at all.

Disappointedly yours.

M Keep

MargaretJ wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 4:27 PM

Will we get to read the other entries?  Or at least the runners upses?

Laurelena wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 3:32 PM

Arrg, why is it that everytime I come to this page, I have to relog in, even if I've checked "remember me next time", I STILL have to log in again. The old site did not do this. I was ALWAYS logged in. Grrr.

I preordered this book. When will I get it? I thought I'd get it today since today is the day it came out.

MeridaW wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 12:44 PM

Thanks for the response. Now let me see.....what was that caption?

KD Sandi wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 11:48 AM

Sandi here again: No penalty for duplicate entries. So if you are unsure, just give yourself a "do over"...Unfortunately we do not have time to check for each individual who has requested a verification of their entry. Sorry for the glitch!  And I can't wait to read the submissions :)

MeridaW wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 10:35 AM

Still no answer to whether my entry actually registered since I was directed after typing it in to log in to the site.

C'mon, folks - let me know so if it didn't go through I can do it over without penalty.

Kay East wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 8:48 AM

Sandi,

Loved your comment, "these communities---will help the real world become a better community over time as well.  You said it girl.

Am hoping for a pattern for a full Snood.  It is to become the next big fashion statement.  Where can I find the pattern?

Kay in Virginia

KD Sandi wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 6:20 AM

Hi everyone! Sandi here...

The contest being limited to US and Canada residents is not a choice Interweave can make. As I understand it, contests fall into roughly the same category as  international trade agreements between countries...which means that both countries involved have to agree what to allow and what not to allow. So: It's totally out of our control who is can enter and who can't. I'm sorry. :(   Maybe these communities we are forming on the Internet will help the real world to become a better community over time as well. Who knows? I hope so.

And may I just say: I adore Opus and meant no offense. In my family, "smart-mouthed" is a compliment--it means you can make people laugh. A poor choice of phrase here, perhaps. For that I apologise.

xoxo Sandi

MeridaW wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 5:24 AM

Same issue with being directed to log into the site AFTER entering my caption.

Can someone in a position of authority let us contest-challenged folks whether entries posted before logging into the site went through?

JulesG wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 4:33 AM

Why can't we non- North Americans enter into the contest? I had such a nice caption to enter and then read it's only for US and Canadian citizen.

Please Interweave Press, rethink your contest rules.

Bevvy wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 4:05 AM

I have the same reaction as many here - it's ok to be a suscriber, but not to enter the contest? And yes, if I was lucky enough to win, I would gladly pay the postage, taxes, whatever.... just like I do to receive other products!!

Please have a re-think!!

Spider_knit wrote
on Oct 14, 2008 3:14 AM

Can't enter if not in the US or Canada?

Buggrit.

So. not. fair. I had the best caption ever. AND I'm a subscriber. Buggrit.

Marg wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 10:18 PM

Re: competition eligibility rules

How America sees the world:

home.arcor.de/.../america-sees-world.jpg

UshaFHR wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 10:01 PM

Di also has a very valid point.

I am a blessed Canadian.

(Why are we so blessed? Contiguity? If so, are Hawaiians also excluded? It doesn't say so.) Being often excluded from USA-only treats, but in this instance generously included by Interweave Press (THANK you!) I feel particularly bad about Di being left out. And underdutchskies too, I now see.

Maybe it's a postage issue. But maybe some thrilled contestants wouldn't mind risking paying the postage, if they won. Franklin's drawing shouldn't ship for too exorbitant a price - unless it comes double-matted under glass and framed. Hey, Franklin, couldn't you keep the weighty paraphernalia and send the quality pic, in the case of a total foreigner winning? Just a suggestion...!

UshaFHR wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 9:58 PM

Sharon's got a point. An article on how to avoid knitting socks that tighten up  to strangle your ankle - that should be the next contest. Prize? Undying gratitude. Perhaps a plaque?

UshaFHR wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 9:58 PM

I loved the words, Franklin!

Then I loved the drawing...

Have you read the RULES? Franklin, you've got to read the rules, you won't believe what they're putting us through to win your drawing.

I feel like submitting the rules as the caption to the cartoon!

(I'm fully expecting a KD post soon featuring a cartoon from you in response to your Reading of the Rules - bound to be good.)

on Oct 13, 2008 9:46 PM

I really don't understand why you have to live in Canada or the US to enter!  I have a subscription to your magazine.  I read the blog.  I really don't get it.

And the caption should be:

"But Darling, you asked for a new sweater for Christmas!."

SharonH wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 7:20 PM

You know what I'd like to see?  An article on how to make socks fit.  I keep trying but can't ever get them to fit over my heel right.

LeslieB wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 6:47 PM

Too, too funny, reminds me both of being dressed funny and me mum's sewing and knitting trials and tribulations with daughters who whined about style and itching (she was very avant garde and only would use natural fibres, I had the first pair of bell bottoms in town which were worn with a knitted halter).  

Now, 18 years after she is gone,  I would be overjoyed to have just one more sweater made by her for me with love.

lbturgy wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 6:15 PM

I just sent mine again, since it's not a drawing and if the entries are exactly the same, I can't imagine that they would disqualify you.  Just make sure you're logged in BEFORE you send it the next time, if ya send it 3 or 4 times, they'll probably disqualify you out of annoyance!

HeatherV wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 5:46 PM

I had the same issue as Annalea - I'm not sure whether my entry was accepted.  Is there any way to tell?

Annalea wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 3:49 PM

Elizabeth, if Sandi doesn't like Opus, don't sweat it.  It takes all kinds of knitters, you know.  I doubt all of the KD readers know about Opus, and off those that do, I'd very be surprised if they were all offended.  I'm sorry that you're so ticked that Opus is about to end.

Have a knitterly day! :o)

Di.lovell wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 3:36 PM

Sandi - you didn't offend me. I have no idea who Opus is.

I'm ticked off though that this is another US and Canada competition. There are subscribers and *shock* knitters outside of the US and Canada.

Good luck to all you eligible contestants.

mljan wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 3:35 PM

I've tried several times but the link appears to be broken.

And, cheesh, you can't even joke about a cartoon character???

ElizabethS@5 wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 3:11 PM

Sandi, you shouldn't bad mouth Opus, those of us who are huge fans are actually really upset that he's about to be killed off forever. It's actually a big deal, with a context that will give 10,000 to the humane society, You should stay up to date on your cartoon current events before you offend your readership.

KathrynG wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 2:51 PM

I don't live in North America so I cannot actually enter the caption contest but the caption surely has to be: "What do you mean I have to keep on turning around? I'm getting dizzy."

Annalea wrote
on Oct 13, 2008 2:48 PM

Ack.  I made my entry, and then I was sent to the Knitting Daily login page.  Did my entry make it in?  I don't want to submit it again, for fear of being disqualified. Could someone let me know if it worked, please?  Or contact me for my info so they can check? Thanks!!!